if life could be rewinded

If life could be rewinded...

I bet my dad would choose to listen to our reminders- no alcohols, no cigarettes.

You see, everytime we reminded him of that, he made us shut our mouths up like we simply do not want him to be happy. And telling him to quit drinking would mean taking away his happiness and drinking friends from him. He thought we were merely being selfish.

And so, my mom, lowered down the request that he must eat before he drinks. But he never paid attention. We're simply villaines to him, that was all we were.

I remember, I asked him once to quit drinking because he couldn't anymore manage to walk and go home. He slammed my request and said he was belittled in front of his so-called friends. And he was so ashamed. Why was that? I did my request in a corner where no one could hear us and I did it with respect. I'm sure I did. He just refused to understand.

He was happy with his friends, spending all his money to beers and alcohol and getting drank all he wanted. For him, that was total happiness.

He stopped drinking about 2 years ago, that's when my grandpa died of liver cancer. (Well, I couldn't really tell if it really was for he never was diagnosed of that. He was afraid of doctors and hospitals. But I believe he died of that). I guess, he's (papa) been abusing his health for at least 25 years by excessive drinking of alcohol, plus smoking at least 10 sticks a day.

He quitted on his own without us telling him. That time, he was so afraid he'd have the same disease my grandpa died of.

A year after (I think on March 2005), he was diagnosed of liver cancer (hepatoma). Could we question that? Of course not! We knew he's been driving his way towards that.

He underwent Chemotherapy and got well for about 9 months. Then again, December 2005, the cancer struck again. This time, it's worse- Terminal Stage. We did all we could to help him.

Chemotherapy again. Acupuncture. Herbal Medicines. Quack Doctor. Everything.

Now he's got bulging stomach and he suffers from another complication, portal thrombosis. Know what that means? Go ask Mr. Google. Almost every hour his stomach pain strikes and it later seems hard for pain relievers to serve him. He hardly sleeps and he's frequently attacked by the pain he couldn't explain.

I could see regrets on his face.

If only I could turn back time....
If only I did listen...
If only.

But then, there's no turning back of time. Time lost can never be regained. Today and tomorrow are all we have. And what's left is for him (and for all of us) to learn. We love him. I sure hope he knows. It should be obvious and crystal clear.

For now, we treasure each moment that we have. We put not the blame on anyone. That certainly, won't help. We shall all pass and who gets to go ahead? we do not know. It sure, would have been best if we're careful, cautious and preventive. But hey! I said, there's no turning back of time.

Regret belongs to the future. And waiting for that future to come might be the stupidest thing to do. It might be too late then.

To whoever reads this one, I leave this quote, "Learn from the mistakes of others. You do not live long enough to make them all yourself."