Shameful Us

Last night, around 7:30, as I tried picking my things up to leave the office, I was tempted to answer a logical game over the net and I was so challenged that I decided not to leave until I get the logic.  My officemates, having known the secret of the game ahead of me, were teasing me.  We were like shouting already for the fun of the guessing game.  When the secret was finally discovered, we jumped into another logical game and this time, our voice became louder.  We keep laughing and our voices were so loud.  We were having fun.

Surprise. Surprise. 

Unknowingly, our boss who had been listening all the while, was already annoyed.  "Will you please lower down your voices when you are discussing about something? Others can't concentrate."

We have been so oblivious of our boss' presence.  We never really cared that there were still people around us, trying to concentrate to get their job done.  And we regretted forgetting this. 

Last night was just one of those instances when I revealed the child inside of me.

Sore ha ikemasen ne?  Sumimasen. 

Celebrating 29 Years

Oct 23. It's Ma and Pa's Wedding Anniversary. It's been 29 years since they vowed to be with each other through good and good times. (^_^)

What's keeping them together is love plus a whole lot more. I know they have been spending a lot of patience to keep this bind and reach this far. It's been tough as I try to look back and recall the years that their marriage has to offer. Oh well, not their marriage but they themselves.

Always, always, marriage is not as simple as teeners thought. It's not always fun and enjoying. As has been said, marriage is not a garden of roses, it is a garden of thorns. I mean, a combination of both. Or ... it is indeed a garden of roses, for roses by nature, have thorns.

Marriage life has been a tough experience for my parents who decided to marry at very young ages. They were 21 back then and my papa had no regular job and mama too. Sweat was their tool to make living.

Fights. Fights. Fights. One of them had mastered the art of putting the other's patience to real stress-testing while the other had been hoarding patience, so that their fights never end up to breaking up. Yokunai ne. Warukatta hito ha dare ka shitte iru no? Hmnnn...Sore ha himitsu desu.

Now, both of them are mature and the fights are all left behind as shadows of the past.

But the journey was never easy. They had the normal fights and the abnormal ones. No one said it's easy, anyway. Ii ka dou ka dare mo iwanai. Demo wakamono ha yosasou to omotte iru desu yo.

It's been 29 years since and the knot that binds them is getting tightier. It's not just love that holds them together, it is commitment. The feeling will be gone if you just let it. Love resides in the heart, commitment, in the mind. It is the mind that decides and it could choose to follow or not to follow the heart. Watashi no itte iru koto ga wakaru no?

I have learned a lot from my parents, both the good and the bad. And I decide which lessons to keep and which to throw.

For the 29 long years of my parents being together and for the years yet to come, oiwai o shimashou. kanpai!

The Table Cloth

i'm changing my fave font to verdana size 8. =) weird me!

weekend's over just like the blinking of an eye.  when i try to go over how i spent my saturday and sunday, i get so upset that i did not enjoy sleeping and sleeping as i planned.

saturday is supposed to be a business meeting day.  my schedule got ruined by a dishonest gal and i just got to straighten things up, so i did.  instead of me attending a business meeting, i was attending a heart-to-heart talk with my couzin and her mom.  it turned out fine. then tutorial classes in the afternoon till 7pm. and finally, badminton, 7:30-9pm.  and that's extremely taihen datta. ashi ga itakunatta.  badminton ha karada ni ii node, badminton wo shinakereba naranai desu.

sunday.  eating session at my boss' residence-baptism of his one-month old baby boy. i was wearing a red dress, the one i wore when i graduated college. the sun was so cruel and yes, i was complaining...(like there was something i could do). when we reached the party place, i was so shocked! naze ka na?  my goodness! the tablecloth was exactly the same shade of red i was wearing.  i remember during my boss'(the same boss) wedding, i was wearing a baby pink dress and the tablecloth then?  ask me not!  twas baby pink also.  for the second time around, i felt like i am an extension of the table cloth!  hahaha... i was not embarassed though. 

voice lesson came after, then church, then the never-ending tutorial session! 

oh! i should mention this:  I met and chatted with denz and mic there at the party place.  i'm glad mic was there, else, i may end up chatting with the boys for there were very few girls around and i know only two of them. 

i slept last night like i never cared. watashi ha tsukaretta ka dou ka shitte iru no? tsukaretta yo. joudan ja nai!

and now, seems like, i haven't spent my weekend at all.  back to work. back to the usual marathon. 

indeed life is so short.  that's exactly the same as how the days come and go. that's why we have to enjoy each moment that comes... not those which had passed nor those which are yet to come.

Boat Is Sinking

Every Filipino is aware of the situation that the Philippines is facing.  Whether we like it or not, the Philippine situation is like a sinking ship and to save one's self means to get a good grip of what is at hand. 

I'm really sick of the Philippine situation-economic, political, whatsoever... everything is getting worse.  I wish there is a way for me to shout and be heard.  But there is none.  People are so oblivious and unmindful despite of my loud screaming call.  People are so busy rescuing their own selves, for, surely, this is the best that there is to do-rescuing our own selves and take for granted all those which can't be of help. 

We're running out of time, and if we dare stay, we know, we will sink with the rest.  How come we never realized that long before this very moment?  Actually, we do, just that, we didn't seem to have any option but to stay and make the best out of what is here. 

There are things that bother me, things I'm worried about.  When I get married and have a child of my own, I don't want him to see how poor and polluted the Philippines is.  When I grow old, I don't wanna be a liability to my children.  I don't wanna suffer earning a single peso that hard for a living, only to find out that I can never have what I wanted from my hard-earned money.  I can only satisfy, utmost, my needs.  I want to go some place where there is no borderline between having a want and having a need, for acquiring wants is simply easy and possible, unlike here in the Philippines, when you got to spend a month's pay for a single mobile phone and it  causes a pain in the ass letting go of the hard-earned thousand because there are more important things to have other than a mobile phone.

Guess not every Filipino is aware that there is a world far better than this.  And for us, who know, we gotta climb higher and get a good grip of whatever is at hand for there is no telling when the ship sinks.  But it is, soon. 

Feeling Empty

I don't understand why I'm feeling so empty.  I feel so down and that I am a failure! 

I wish I could just shut myself down much like a computer.  Apparently, I have to be reformatted and I need a fresh OS installation; perhaps, a free OS will do or a commercial one, just as long as it is proven to be stable.  Then, useful applications would be installed and I would have a fresh registry and yes, completely new settings and thus, a brand new start.  So, I would forget all the old files I used to keep and the viruses I used to fight against till I became tired and just can't help but reboot over and over again.  Taihen desu yo.

Or...perhaps, I could remain a raw disk and motherboard, that is, no OS installed at all.  And I would remain completely unusable, for in reality, I am much like that- a useless creature!

Damn...why am I feeling this way? 

 

I seek not to be understood though.  I'm sure this is going to pass and fade away. And I'm sure, once in a while, you feel the same way too. After all, this state is just normal.  And I demand no explanation nor any words of wisdom.