mata aimasho, Sir Flynn

I used to call him "Sir Flynn". He was our Human Resource Personnel. He was the one who interviewed me before I got into this company. He used to never believe in the existence of God. Atheist. Perhaps, because, there were questions inside of him that he couldn't find answers to. We used to argue on some things, about faith and GOD. But I can't convince Him because I couldn't explain in depth that FAITH i have. He's used to finding proofs on things and seeking concrete explanations to his enquiries. Most intelligent people are like that. And yet, faith is something that can not be explained and transfered. Believing without really seeing is really hard. And it is a personal decision. It sure is. Then things changed. He became a Japanese interpreter from being an HR Personnel. Actually, he used to do both jobs. We all stumble once in a while. I guess, that's what happened to him. He stumbled. Did he really? I am not so sure. Some mistakes are measured by man's standards. But the guilt is dependent on our motives for committing them. People stop calling him "sir", maybe because, he's not anymore the HR Personnel but an interpreter. Or maybe, because of something else. I don't know. I still call him "sir". I feel it is my way of showing I respect him still. And because, that mistake wasn't enough to make me respect him less. I do have my mistakes too. Perhaps, worse than his'. But life is a continuous process of committing mistakes and learning from them. Certain things changed. And it's always like that. Things, persons, circumstances do change. He's now a Christian, someone who has a deeper relationship with God than I do. I am envious. I used to believe I do have a better relationship with God than he does. It used to be that way, right, sir Flynn? I'm so amazed that he's reached that far, grown that far. I wish him all the best in life, for always. I will always remember being prayed by you (and bes Ax) during those times in my life when I was so down and wrecked. Thank You so much! Indeed God will never ask us what type of dress we wore, car we rode, job we did or house we lived in. He'll ask more sensible questions. I am happy for you and the decisions that you make. God bless your soul. May you become a virus and that you keep infecting other people's hearts. Bye for now, Sir Flynn.

Mata au ka dou ka wakaranai ne. Kokoro no soko kara, arigatou. Ganbatte.

shut up!

sometimes you feel that all the world's against you... all circumstances don't seem to be with you... everything seems a mess. everything.

this is what i felt because some people are so busy minding me...pulling me...stepping on me.

some people just can't mind their own business. hmnn....because their main business is that of minding other people's business?

to them i say: HOW DARE YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO INSINUATE THAT I CAN TOLERATE A DIABOLICAL INSULT COMING FROM A MERE SCRAP OF SOCIETY SUCH AS YOU. IF YOU PERSIST TO CONTINUE SUCH ANNOYANCE THEN I SHALL BE FORCED TO COMPEL AND SUM UP ALL MY PHYSICAL FORCES TO PULVERIZE YOU.

the reason why some people are not successful is that they get so busy minding other people's business, thinking they will get their share. naah! dream on...
heck, i'm damn so affected.

letting it slip away

i have always wanted to go back abroad to work and earn higher. staying here would only let me buy my needs and never my wants.

i've tried a number of times and often got accepted. and yet, i have to think deeply of my priorities. several things stop me and the topmost is, my mama would be alone if i leave because my sisters are already married and are having their own homes. my younger sister is with our eldest sister whose hubby is working abroad so she can't be with my mama.

there it goes... my big worry. don't you just think i worry so much about my mama? oh! she worries even more for me than i do for her (as every mom does).

and so, for now, i think i'd stay and enjoy what i have. i will have to think again when better opportunities come my way. i'll kiss this opportunity goodbye for now.

keeping the strength

everytime the word "cancer" is uttered, it rings a bell. my eyes would turn red and i want to cry. always, it reminds me of my dad. everytime, we see on tv a cancer patient or someone who's just acting like having one, we remember dad. i used to pretend i don't hear the word nor understand what's on TV. i used to divert everyone else's attention, especially mom's.

last night, while watching a tv series, there's this character dying of cancer. they had this conversation that we could so relate. my mom was holding a paper, reading something. then, came touching lines from the characters that my mom cried. i wanted not to show that i was hurt too so, i fight against my tears.

i saw my mom, not moving, pretending she's not crying and then she glanced at me. i left and i knew she saw no tears on my eyes. i wonder if she thinks i wasn't hurt at all or wasn't reminded of anything... of my dad. sure, i was.

all i know is that i have to be strong. i have to be her strength. she must not see me cry. she thinks i am the stronger member of the family. and i am.

when i look back at her, i was saying something like: "didn't we agree we understood why dad had to leave?"

had she seen me crying, i knew she would have cried even more. and then everything else will be rewinded. everything else. and then silence and emptiness would fall into its usual place. again. and then we'll realize we have never actually undestood why dad had to leave, for in reality, we have never.

miscommunication

Memo from CEO to Manager:

Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.


Memo from Manager to Department Head:

Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:

The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.


Memo from Floor Manager to Supervisor:

Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, and as usual it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff:

Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.

rainy days

On rainy days, I can't help but think of my mom alone in her room. I wonder how empty and lonely it is, spending nights without my dad's embrace. I wonder how painful it really is, being left by someone you used to share the bed every single night and perhaps, whisper each other, "I Love You". I wonder what she does to lessen the pain of the truth that dad left physically and could never be beside her. I wonder what memories come to her as she lays herself to sleep while the rain's dropping. I think, I know. She's feeling COLD and EMPTY.

It must be sad being left by someone you wanted to be with forever. It must be sadder on rainy days. I hope she stops crying, at least, soon after the rain stops.

I love you Ma. I may not know how it really feels or how painful it really is but I guess, I know a bit. Hug the pillows and wrap yourself with your blanket and it might feel like it's Papa hugging you.

random five

5 Things You Like About Yourself:
1. I respect people as they are.
2. I don't get pushed by peer pressure.
3. I am good at saving.
4. I can live without a lot of things.
5. I am not afraid of the dark.

5 Things You Don't Like About Yourself:
1. My cellulites.
2. My programming skills. yet so bad!
3. I can't sleep well when I'm not home.
4. My inner self transparency.
5. My tears...they're always ready to drop.

5 Things You Wish For:
1. car
2. a thoughtful and responsible hubby
3. business
4. financial stability
5. a work abroad with good pay

5 Things You Don't Wish For:
1. being left by someone i love
2. calamities
3. financial crisis
4. long hours at work - OT
5. an enemy

5 Things You Would Change: (This can be any area)
1. can't think of anything yet

5 Things You Have Learned To Appreciate:
1. my caring mom
2. my helpful officemates
3. my thoughtful friends
4. my life
5. family and home

5 Things You Are Interested In:
1. driving
2. working abroad
3. badminton
4. cars
5. business

5 Talents You Have:
1. writing
2. listening
3. singing
4. cracking jokes
5. laughing out loud

5 Favorite Things:
1. music
2. cars
3. home decors
4. perfumes
5. my mom

5 Secret Desires:
1. to have a better shape (tummy and butt)
2. to grow taller, i don't get qualified being an FA because i'm short
3. to win the mega Lotto
4. to become a better programmer
5. to drive my own brand new car

5 Self Truths:
1. i am afraid of building a family of my own
2. i hate vices of every form
3. i don't drink alcohol, liquor or wine not even softdrinks
4. i feel i am very good at money matters
5. i love scents and perfumes

5 Lies You've Told:
1. It's okay.
2. I understand.
3. It's funny.
4. I'm tough.
5. It doesn't matter.

& 5 Silly Things About You:
1. I almost don't get out of the house when people say I'm fat.
2. When I'm sleepy in the morning, I take a bath to get awakened by the scents of my soap, shampoo and conditioner.
3. I keep checking my mails every minute.
4. I only get a good night sleep if I'm using my own blanket.
5. I don't like my blanket washed every week, I hate the smell of the laundry soap.

what i'd rather do than anything else

I think I have made it clear that I do not really love what I am doing right now. I do this for the sake of earning a living, not because I love this.

Having said that statement, I think I have to answer what is it that I really love to do and where is it that I really wanted to be if I am not right here.

There are three things I can think of right now - showbiz (haha!), journalism and trading/services biz (enumerated in particular order.) Funny, I know.


I am not good at singing or dancing or acting, but I guess I can learn those crafts if I give enough time learning them. I think I just love meeting people, waving my hands, smiling at them. Haha! (as if these are the only things a showbiz personality does). Although I never dress up nor wear makeups nor do my hair, I really do think I would love someone doing that to me. I love performing although I know I am never yet good at anything I made mention. I love seeing the crowd, being adored by them. Guess I can only dream of doing this! Sure I could tell that I confused my feelings with the truth... =)


Journalism. No! not the news editor or sports editor. Perhaps a feature editor or just an author of short stories. I am not good at writing either. I just know I love to write.

Or... I can do my own business such as being a studio photographer (ID pix, barkada pose, and the like) and doing the printing myself. I like playing with photos and enhancing them. I started out doing this kind of biz just last year and I am enjoying it although I do not spend so much time on it as I am busy with "doing something I do not really love." Or... I can own a store where daily needs are sold. I am definitely a business-minded person since birth.


None of these three is anything I can do well. The things that I love to do are not necessarily the things I can do well. In fact, I couldn't think of anything I am really good at.


And why am I still here when my mind and heart are somewhere else?


Patience is a virtue! Haha...

the art of lending

I belong to a society where borrowing and lending money is normal. When I got my job, I became one of those who lend money. Sure, it's a nice feeling to be of help. We were once borrowers too.


Before lending money, I ask, without fail, when will the money be returned. Without a definite answer to this question, I do not proceed to lending the money (unless for emergency purposes).

Two months ago, there's this neighbor of ours who talked ill about the way that I do before I do lend money. She said I am so strict that I do not release any amount without making sure the money is going back to me. The gossip spreads and continues spreading and since there are more borrowers than lenders in our place, more people understand her rather than me.


Of course, I know how to give. But the borderline between giving and lending has to be clear. When I give money or food and the like, I do not expect anything in return. But when I give kindness and help, I expect kindness in return. When people come to borrow money, I expect them to know the art of giving it back.

Then, just yesterday this woman went back to our humble abode, just before I left for work, telling me and mom that she needed an amount so badly that very day for her child's school. You could imagine me, just passing by her, being very oblivious. She said lots of things, like giving me an interest and so on and so forth. Her daughter's final exam was on that same day. She couldn't take any exam without the amount. My mom asked her, "what have you been doing all this time that it's getting late?" She said things I could not understand (i.e. refused to understand). I was still. Never moved. I wanted to shout out loud, throw back the things she said against me criticizing my ways and how strict I am with money.


I shivered in anger but didn't say a word to question what she did and said in the neighborhood. My mom was the one communicating with her. I did my thing- combed my hair, clipped it, dressed up, watched myself in front of the mirror, combed my hair again and left saying I had no extra money.

I could always lend money to those who respect my ways not to those who come when in need and talk ill against me when they're done with me.


Guess, she wasn't yet done with me!


I reflected on what I did. I knew it wasn't nice of me doing it. I knew I was being mean. Then my bro-in-law uttered, "Sometimes, you have to lend them lessons too (not just money)!"

doing something you love

"Would you rather do something that you could do well rather than something that you always love?"

Sadly, I am doing something that I do not love. I feel I do not belong here. And where is here? It is where I am right now and where I am right now is where I am ever since.

I am not good at what I am doing right now but destiny brought me here. No, not destiny. It was my choice.... my foolish choice!

And now, I am wishing I could change my choice...perhaps by choosing again? Nandaka... wakaranai na....dou shitara ii ka na? Oshiete kudasaimasen ka?

Truly, it is more exciting to be doing something you love.

goodbye forever

Still fresh in my memory the time the doctor told us dad had liver cancer. It was a year ago when he was diagnosed, stage 3 to be exact. He underwent chemotherapy and surprisingly got cured because of prayers, healthy foods and the medicines he took, including the best medicine there can be - love.


December 2005. We had our very cold Christmas in the hospital. Dad was diagnosed liver cancer, terminal stage. It was the worst Christmas we had. And then, the worst New Year.


The thought that dad will have to leave us haunted our memories. Slowly as each day had passed, we're faced with the fact that we just had to let him go one day. We knew we had to.


But how does one say goodbye to the person he gets to interact each day? How does one rejoice about all the moments they shared while completely freeing himself from the bitterness of losing someone?


On February 22, 2006 at exactly 3:00 pm dad gave up. He left us because he's just too tired. Even before that day, we knew, he wasn't with us anymore. There were so many questions inside of me. What if I did this? What if I did that? What if I didn't do this? What if I didn't do that? What if dad did this? What if dad did that? What if dad didn't do this? What if dad didn't do that? So many questions left with not a single answer at all.


I thought it's easy letting him go knowing he had suffered enough and had to rest. I was wrong.


For how could it ever be easy being left by someone you love so dearly? How could we ever deny the bitterness of his absence when inside each and every portion inside our humble abode an empty space is missing?


How come we always have to let go of whatever it is that we wanted to keep forever?

how would you like to die?

So, what's supposed to be new? Well, nothing really. My dad is still sick and situation is getting worse. He says things we could not understand...like there's a hammer falling or a duck rushing... or he looks for my sister and when my sister comes, he said it's not my sister on his side but another one.


He sometimes wake up from a long sleep and then acts like he's been running and is too tired and demands for water and even says, "let's get back home", though he's at home.


Last night, I was watching a tv program (Scene of the Crime Operatives) which shows crime and crime investigation... mostly murder cases. There was this boyfriend killing a girfriend by cutting the gir'ls neck with a knife and then the murderer committed suicide. That's called crime of passion. Oh, how it broke my heart seeing and knowing that. I couldn't really understand why some people are so narrow-minded and selfish when it comes to that. Worst, they resort to killing their own loved ones. That is such a wicked act.


Another case featured is a retired teacher, her daughter and grand daughter being killed by his son-in-law. Imagine that!?!? That son-in-law hammered the retired teacher's head, his own mother-in-law, many many times, killed his own wife with so many knife strikes and his own daughter too. That's so evil. Where's the world going to? The motive is yet unknown and that person is not yet convicted. And yet, from the evidences presented, I would like to assume that he did it. It's obvious. For me, whatever his reason is, that doesn't give him the right to do that.


Nobody should be doing that to anybody.


And then, I have come to think that I'd rather die of a disease than being killed like that. That is most painful for me... being butchered like a pig or being hammered like a nail... That is most wicked. Really.


I know this sounds weird, but....Given the chance to choose, how would you like to die?

the thought of losing

I saw my dad lying on the ground. His eyes were open; its color, a combination of red and yellow. There were ants on his body, they were trekking back and forth.

.

I thought he was thirsty so I asked him, "would you like a glass of water?".

To which he replied, "I believe so. You think my doctor allows me to?"

.

I said, "Of course, your water intake is not limited anymore, unlike before when we had to measure it and limit it to only 800 mL a day." This was when he found it hard to urinate and move bowels.

So I handed him a glass filled with water and he drank it and then slept. I left.

.

After a while, I went to check him and found that he wasn't there anymore. There were marks of his body on the ground but he wasn't anymore there. I checked and checked and asked mama where he was.

.

"He died. Our neighbor buried him..."

.

I was shocked and so dismayed.

.

"You buried him without even letting us see him?"

.

"How come?"

.

"Why didn't you wait for us?"

.

I threw a lot of questions and cried like a child. I can't describe really how I felt.

.

Then I realized I was dreaming. I got up and mused the place where dad is sleeping. He's there...not moving... I slowly went closer to him.

.

"Why are you awake this early?" dad asked. I was frightened that he's awake. He said his stomach was aching and he took his pain reliever hours ago but could not sleep anymore.

.

"When are we visiting the doctor?", dad questioning again.

.

"This Saturday", I said.

.

"You think they will want me to undergo a CT-Scan? I want to see how my liver is doing."

.

"I don't know. We'll see."

.

"I sure hope, the cancer cells are gone. I hope..."

.

"Let's just pray, pa." was my reply.

.

And he nodded. My hands were on his head and I said, "Go to sleep again. It's 5:00 a.m yet."

.

And he did close his eyes as I went back to my bed and hugged my blanket.

.

I was crying. I don't know why but I seem to miss him. Strange...because he's here with us and yet I miss him.

.

Why can't I stand the thought of losing him?

do i care?

Look at me. Give me a stare. I am okay. I am sane; looking really well. No second thoughts. I smile still, even laugh out loud.


Stop looking with your eyes. You look with your heart. You look deeper and deeper till you reach the very core of my being. There, you will see what is it that I really feel. There, you will see what composes my fascade. It's ironic though. Because you can not add up everything you will see there to sum up a fascade like your eyes may have seen.


I am not what your naked eyes have seen. I am the other way around, an empty soul.


I am not as joyful as you may see. I am suffering. I am not totally sane. I am slowly losing it. Yes, my sanity is approaching zero. I am not whole. I am broken.


I may appear so composed. In reality, torn and weak. I am not whole. No, not anymore. For I am so wounded and I gracefully embrace that wound. I took care of it reason why it never leaves. My fault!


I wish I could pick each broken piece up and form my self whole again in time.


But for now, I am certain, the road is not clear.... almost zero visibility. But I keep going, even overspeeding, not thinking really if I am on the right lane... nor considering the fact that I might hit co-travellers and hurt them or hurt myself. I just want to pass through this as fast as I could.


Indeed life can be very tiring. It can consume the totality of your being like it does to mine. But, do I care? I DON'T.


How coward am I! But, do I care? I said, I DON'T! Funny, but I don't.

Happy Birthday Pa

The time I wake up this morning, I went to check Pa to greet him a happy birthday. But he's asleep still so I chatted with Ma while she's busy preparing Pa's breakfast. Then she went to wake Papa up so he could eat breakfast and take his medicines. I went with her to greet him. He asked whether we prepared some foods in celebration. Ma just smiled and said "that will be tonight." He went to the dining table and positioned to eat.


I was sipping my coffee(with milk) then. I noticed Papa merely staring at the food on the table. He then complained that he doesn't like the food and demanded Mama to learn to look for something delicious every meal. Wow! How dare he said that? He reminded Mama that even before, when he isn't yet sick, he doesn't want repeated foods for he gets fed up to it.


I find it so rude of him to said so. I wish he knew how carefully Mama prepared it and how delicious it really is. I wish he considered also that Mama is not only busy preparing for his foods, she is also sleepless while watching over him and assisting him in everything he does - preparing his meds, measuring every bit of liquid he drinks, preparing his toothbrush and clothes, preparing water for his bath, cleaning his mess and the like.


We're just silent so we wouldn't say a word that might hurt. Inside of me (and perhaps, of Mama), I would like to say, something such as, "Eat whatever is served to you. Important thing, the food is healthy and consider somehow, it's carefully prepared for you. And if you don't have appetite for that, that isn't our fault, that's the effect of your so loved vice."


Then he picked a bread instead. Mama offered to reheat it and with his permission, Mama did it. After a minute, the bread was ready and laid back to the table. Oh! And he just said, "I lost my appetite for that bread!", insinuating that Mama had better not reheat it. But wait, didn't he give his permission? This makes me crazy. Then he drank water and took his meds, brushed his teeth, went to the CR and proceeded to sleeping again.


We're alone in the dining table - me and Ma. I saw some tears in Ma's eyes. I knew it meant, she did her best and still Papa remained so demanding like he is the only person on earth.... like he is the only person to be considered.


I would like to tell him so but held back coz I know it's not the right time. He's so sick and it's his birthday.


"Happy Birthday, Pa", I whispered. I wish you learn to appreciate the people around you... loving you so much... considering every bit of your need and state, especially Mama. We're doing our best to help you lessen the pain (if not recover your health), at least, be cooperative.


Don't get me wrong. Inspite of it all, we love Papa. We see his flaws and yet accepted everything about him- No IF's, no BUT's. Mama taught us how.

today and tomorrow

Papa sleeps about 70% of each day.  He wakes up only when he takes medicines, eats, drinks, moves bowels and urinates.  We'd like to see him going around the house or at least, muse the flowers in our garden.  It should make him a little better.  But he refused to.  He's just too tired to walk around and open his eyes.  He just wants to keep closing his eyes to deceive himself and forget about the pain, at least, a little.

Today we went out to see Papa's doctor.  It's been a week since he's discharged from the hospital and we're to go for consultation every week.  The doctor examined Papa and found out that there's water on his lungs reason why he found it hard to move around and breath well.  We went for a Chest x-ray and then have to wait for 2 days for the result.  The x-ray would show the amount of water inside his lungs and would help his doctor evaluate whether or not, the water has to be removed via paracentesis (I guess).

I moved around again to find his medicines, the newly-prescribed ones and then I am here, in the office, working, while Ma, Pa and sister went back home.

Tomorrrow will be 'Sinulog' (dance feast in honor of Sr. Sto. Nino) here.  It is a grand day in Cebu and people from all over the world gather to witness this special event.  I wish I could be merry.  I just couldn't.  The storm seems to never cease. 

Tomorrow, too, Papa will turn a year older.  It will be Papa's 50th birthday.  I wish I could greet him a happy one.  But I know I couldn't.  How could he be when he's in pain? 

So, most likely, we'll just have to let it pass and consider that day to be just another day in our lives.

Will he ever get well?  Only heaven knows.

family ties

Today, in our Japanese class we're discussing about Japanese and Filipino culture differences.  There, indeed, are many differences.   But I was struct at this difference- FAMILY.

The Philippines is known to have a strong family ties.  There are positive and negative effects of this, of course, but this is what we are and we love it that way.  The Japanese, being not so close to their families but to their friends is a known thing.

Our Japanese teacher doesn't contact her parents for quiet a long time.  I would like to guess, it been 10 years since.  This is a thing done by a usual Japanese child to her parents.  She said, not contacting would mean to their parents that they are okay and doing well.  And if she contacts them, it would mean, something's going wrong. 

I believe, this is weird.

Filipinos contact their families and loved ones wherever they go to keep them updated with the things they are doing and the places they're going.  Filipinos have to keep in touch with their loved ones to show that they care too and don't want their loved ones to worry about them, they are ok. 
Conflicting, isn't it?  The Japanese contact would mean a negative thing has happened whereas a Filipino contact would mean they care. 

We asked her, "What if your parents are sick?  Don't you wanna know?" 

"depends what type of sickness." came her reply.

"What if a matter life and death one, say cancer?".

"Leave it to them.  I can not do anything about it.  I can not cure them anyway.  That's life."

"Oh, in the Philippines, that's a hurting remark!  You should show to your parents how much you love them by seeing them and serving them especially when they dying.  You ought to show them how much you love them even in their last few days of existence. You should show them how grateful you are that they cared and raised you well."

"I am grateful to them in my heart.  That's enough."

We're all shocked.  Tears come rolling down our eyes.  I feel for the Japanese parents.  I think it's very sad to know that your kids don't care for you at all, the time they found a life of their own.  In reality, Japanese parents don't want to bother their kids too.   Yet, it's still so sad for me. 

It's just so sad for me.  (But I do understand them.)

Dear Lord

Dear Lord,

You know how burdened my heart is. There are times when I wanted to give up and just rest in peace. I sometimes feel the world upon my shoulder. I'm sorry, I'm exagerrating. I know this isn't even one-fourth of the burden that you're carrying.

You know it breaks my heart to see papa crying in pain. I just couldn't do a thing but call Your name. I hope, though, it eases a bit of the pain. I know he did this to himself and he's to be blame and yet I couldn't afford seeing him suffer. It's painful Lord and I wanted to take part of it, if only to lessen that pain. You know, we love him despite everything. And we'll never be as happy without him. We're never a family without him. I hope You give him one more chance Lord, for him to live by the lessons he may have learned from all these things that's happening... for him to show love to mama and his children and for us to have more time spending together as a family.

I pray for mama Lord, that you give her the strength to accept whatever is it that's bound to happen to us and our family, that she continues to accept and embrace all the pain there is, with full trust in You, that she continues to believe and hope. I know she wanted so much to grow more older with papa. I hope Lord, that you grant her heart's desires. I wanted so much to see her happy and I know papa is her happiness. She deserves to be happy. If she could have a bonus for being a good mother and wife, I know she will ask for this. She never wanted anything more but a whole and peaceful family.

Above all Lord, allow our hearts to understand Your will and let us see clearly that everything is for the best. Let us hold on to the truth that You know what's best and please raise our faith up higher for we need it more this time.

I will continue to trust even if I often don't understand. I will try to understand even if there seems no explanation. I shall surrender to Your will believing always You know what's best.

I trust in You, Lord. I always will. No matter what happens.

Forever and always Lord, Thy will be done.

In Jesus Name, I pray.

AMEN.

Live Life

l Look people in the eye.

l Sing in the shower.

l Own a great stereo system.

l If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.

l Keep secrets.

l Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.

l Always accept an outstretched hand.

l Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

l Whistle.

l Avoid sarcastic remarks. - Important

l Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.

l Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.

l Lend only those books you never care to see again.

l Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.

l When playing games with children, let them win.

l Give people a second chance, but not a third.

l Be romantic.

l Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

l Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.

l Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your convenience, not the caller's.

l Be a good loser.

l Be a good winner.

l Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.

l When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.

l Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.

l Keep it simple.

l Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.

l Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.

l Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets

l Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the one's you did.

l Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

l Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.

l Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.

l Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.

l Begin each day with some of your favorite music.

l Once in a while, take the scenic route.

l Send a lot of Christmas cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'

l Don't expect life to be fair.

l Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.

l Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.

l Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.

l Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.

l Become someone's hero.

l Marry only for love.

l Count your blessings.

l Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.

l Wave at the children on a school bus.

love in your heart

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I got this quote from the hospital.  I thought this is so striking reason why I'm sharing this here.

"If you have love in your heart, you do not need to have anything else.  If you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what you have."

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